Created for Community.
An old African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
I was twenty-eight years old and lonely. We moved to a new community, a new church, and I had two small children. The transition from the past to the new place wasn’t smooth. It was tainted with some heartache and weariness in doing good, and the good was unappreciated. Usually, I love new beginnings, but moving to the new place left me feeling even more isolated and alone. I longed for friendship and community but convinced myself that it wasn’t possible for me.
Two years later, I found myself in the office of a Christian counselor. I poured my heart out about my brokenness, pain, but mostly shared about my loneliness. He asked me a strange question, “Lisa, do you have any friends?” I was thirty years old, and sadly I replied, “No.” My homework assignment that day was to return next week and to have invited someone to have coffee with me. I prayed all the way home for God to open the door for friendship to me. The next morning, as I dropped the kids off to school, two ladies approached me and asked if I would like to have coffee with them that morning. God heard my prayer!
The journey of healing and creating a healthy community of women around me brought a new realization for me. I believe it is valid for all of us as women.
We are created for community. We are designed to find a tribe—your tribe.
“We are created for community. We are designed to find a tribe—your tribe.”
You were created for a tribe, my friend. In the creation story, Adam is found alone with himself, God, and the animals. Although I love our dog, Brady, his companionship just doesn't cut it. I need a face-to-face friend(s) who understands, can communicate the understanding, and enrich my life. We were created to come alongside. The word "ezer" in Genesis 2:22 speaks of "helper, coming alongside." It's the same word used many times in the Bible for God himself. For instance, Psalm 121:1-2, "I lift my eyes to the hills where does my help (ezer) comes from. My help (ezer) comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” If the same word is used in Genesis to describe a woman, then, you were created for community, and you flourish when you have a healthy tribe to belong.
“The tribe that you belong to is a tribe much more significant than you. ”
The tribe that you belong to is a tribe much more significant than you. It’s the whole idea of “eshet chayil” in Proverbs 31. As women, we often view the passage as an exhausting checklist of how to be the perfect woman, but it is actually a poem that is recited by men to their wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, aunt, grandmothers, etc. The “eshet chayil” of Proverbs 31 translates, a woman of valor, and is equal to “you go, girl!”
“Eshet Chayil" in Jewish culture is a cheering one another on with a blessing of celebrating everything from promotions to pregnancies, to acts of mercy and justice, to battles with cancer with a hearty "eshet chayil"!
When you find the "right tribe" of eshet chayil women of valor, there's a lot of high-fives — a lot of cheering for one another.
Most importantly, your tribe connects you to other tribes and will serve as an example for the generations coming after you. When we, as women, as ezer, live out our lives the way God created us to live, the community is the natural overflow. Our experience is continually walking out the “eshet chayil” woman of valor example. The overflow of “you go, girl” creates a culture for the next generation to experience life-giving tribes of women that will cheer her on as well.
As we connect with God in a female way that brings him joy, we connect with each other in a way that glorifies God and honors the who of how he created us as ‘high five’ women of influence.
So, my friend, you were created for community. It’s a natural thing to want to belong. When you find the right tribe, it connects you to other tribes, and the generations coming after you will thank you for shining in your ‘eshet chayil’ glory. You go, girl, I’m cheering you on!