A Seat at the Table

It was a Thursday afternoon, and I had just arrived at the retreat house after scrambling to get done all the things that have to be done before a busy mom in ministry can leave town. My teenage daughter was a hot mess, and I felt like a failure for so many reasons, but I had committed to this event, and I knew I needed to be there. When I walked into the room, my eyes fell on a long table set for dinner. It was so thoughtfully and delightfully decorated with silver chargers, pretty plates, gleaming flatware, sparkling glasses, cheerful yellow pansies placed carefully as centerpieces, and an elegantly wrapped gift at every place setting. 

I was carrying so much baggage when I got there that all I could think was, “Oh my, I am not dressed for dinner at this table, and I packed so quickly that I don’t even have anything nice to put on. I’m sure everyone won’t fit anyway, so I will just grab a seat at the bar nearby when it’s time.” And then I saw them. There were name cards at every place. I had never had a seat at the table with my name on it. But there it was, already reserved for me. I didn’t feel worthy, but there I was, taking my place at a table prepared for me. That made me think about another table over 2000 years ago, perhaps the most significant table in all of history…

Who got a seat at that table? Doubters, deniers, and even betrayers, Jesus included them all at the table of the Passover. He welcomed them despite what they had done and what He knew they would do. Thomas later doubted Him. Peter scoffed at Jesus’ prediction of his denial of Him, and deny Jesus he did only a few short hours after that last supper. When Peter’s eyes met those of Jesus, he was devastated at his failure. How could he be worthy of the bread Jesus had offered, but it was provided nonetheless. And Judas? Really? How did he merit a seat at the table?? He didn’t, but he was given one anyway. Jesus passed the bread of His body and the cup of His blood to a traitor whose heart was filled with darkness. He offered love and forgiveness down to the last second.

And what about me? I am a doubter, a denier, AND a betrayer. How is it that I am allowed at the table? I can’t buy a seat with my righteousness. Apart from Christ, I have none. I’m allowed at the table for one reason only: Jesus bought my seat. He paid for it in blood and reserved my place. He has reserved one for you too. There is a card with your name on it and a gift waiting for you. Are you coming? 

It’s a table where paupers become princes, losers become leaders, failures are forgiven, and the wretched are redeemed. So don’t worry about what to wear or what to bring; just do whatever it takes to get to the table. And come hungry! There is nothing more satisfying than the table He has prepared for you.

Created for Community.

An old African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

I was twenty-eight years old and lonely. We moved to a new community, a new church, and I had two small children. The transition from the past to the new place wasn’t smooth. It was tainted with some heartache and weariness in doing good, and the good was unappreciated. Usually, I love new beginnings, but moving to the new place left me feeling even more isolated and alone. I longed for friendship and community but convinced myself that it wasn’t possible for me.

Two years later, I found myself in the office of a Christian counselor. I poured my heart out about my brokenness, pain, but mostly shared about my loneliness. He asked me a strange question, “Lisa, do you have any friends?” I was thirty years old, and sadly I replied, “No.” My homework assignment that day was to return next week and to have invited someone to have coffee with me. I prayed all the way home for God to open the door for friendship to me. The next morning, as I dropped the kids off to school, two ladies approached me and asked if I would like to have coffee with them that morning. God heard my prayer!

The journey of healing and creating a healthy community of women around me brought a new realization for me. I believe it is valid for all of us as women.

We are created for community. We are designed to find a tribe—your tribe.

“We are created for community. We are designed to find a tribe—your tribe.”

You were created for a tribe, my friend. In the creation story, Adam is found alone with himself, God, and the animals. Although I love our dog, Brady, his companionship just doesn't cut it. I need a face-to-face friend(s) who understands, can communicate the understanding, and enrich my life. We were created to come alongside. The word "ezer" in Genesis 2:22 speaks of "helper, coming alongside." It's the same word used many times in the Bible for God himself. For instance, Psalm 121:1-2, "I lift my eyes to the hills where does my help (ezer) comes from. My help (ezer) comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” If the same word is used in Genesis to describe a woman, then, you were created for community, and you flourish when you have a healthy tribe to belong.

“The tribe that you belong to is a tribe much more significant than you. ”

The tribe that you belong to is a tribe much more significant than you. It’s the whole idea of “eshet chayil” in Proverbs 31. As women, we often view the passage as an exhausting checklist of how to be the perfect woman, but it is actually a poem that is recited by men to their wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, aunt, grandmothers, etc. The “eshet chayil” of Proverbs 31 translates, a woman of valor, and is equal to “you go, girl!”

“Eshet Chayil" in Jewish culture is a cheering one another on with a blessing of celebrating everything from promotions to pregnancies, to acts of mercy and justice, to battles with cancer with a hearty "eshet chayil"!

When you find the "right tribe" of eshet chayil women of valor, there's a lot of high-fives — a lot of cheering for one another.

Most importantly, your tribe connects you to other tribes and will serve as an example for the generations coming after you. When we, as women, as ezer, live out our lives the way God created us to live, the community is the natural overflow. Our experience is continually walking out the “eshet chayil” woman of valor example. The overflow of “you go, girl” creates a culture for the next generation to experience life-giving tribes of women that will cheer her on as well.

As we connect with God in a female way that brings him joy, we connect with each other in a way that glorifies God and honors the who of how he created us as ‘high five’ women of influence.

So, my friend, you were created for community. It’s a natural thing to want to belong. When you find the right tribe, it connects you to other tribes, and the generations coming after you will thank you for shining in your ‘eshet chayil’ glory. You go, girl, I’m cheering you on!

Lost in Comparison

I tell myself that this is the last time. 

The absolute last time. Fervidly, I close the app on my phone. The last thing I see before the screen goes dark is a pretty little face smiling up at me--the girl that I'm not.

How many times do we find ourselves comparing who we are with who we aren't? Old friends. New friends. People we've never met. Slender, glamorous women stare vacantly at me from magazine covers as I wait in line at the grocery store, their figures causing a twinge of regret in my soul for putting ice cream on the conveyor belt. Most times, we don't even mean to compare... our brains are just wired that way.

"She's thinner, but I'm prettier." "She's taller, but I'm curvier." "She's... but I'm..."

The list is extensive.

Thoughts like these can consume you, defeat you, or even bolster your pride when you come out "on top." Still, even when we "win," we lose. The comparison game goes on and on until we're no longer satisfied with what's in the mirror. We stand a little taller, tuck our gut in, tilt our hips, and hide one leg behind the other. As a woman who leads, maybe you also feel the need to create this illusion of unaffected perfection, when inside, you're shriveling up beneath the glaring deficits you're sure that the whole world sees. And thanks to the internet, the entire world can see!

Technology and social applications continue to be a blessed, double-edged sword. What was created to connect us has now developed the power to divide us. What is for socialization has created competition. There is this unspoken expectation that we need to keep up with or surpass every other woman on our newsfeed. It's no wonder we're over-caffeinated and still mentally exhausted!

 The most prominent social media lie is that we are as perfect as our feed says we are. 

 The perfection feeling is not a direct attack on social media. It is a public confession to a "secret" that I'm pretty sure, is pretty standard. Why do we inflict such unnecessary, un-beneficial, illogical emotional harm upon ourselves? More importantly, what can we do to stop the habit?

Know who you are. They say that charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but that sure doesn't keep me from wanting to be beautifully charming. When we feel assured that we are loved as we are, we feel safer to be who God designed us to be. Well, friend, you were designed with a purpose (Romans 8:28, 1 Peter 1:2). Every freckle, every hair, every dimple… even if that dimple is on your thigh and not your cheek.

It's time to appreciate beauty of every sort, even if it's not your own. Recently, when I feel jealous, I find myself praying for the girls. Women of God, let us lean into the challenge of championing one another instead of drawing back to protect our own "shine." Become thankful for a world full of beauty amongst the bleak. If you're genuinely grateful, it's hard to be jealous.

Just don’t go there.  When you're tempted to click and compare… don't!  Get ahold of yourself, girlfriend.  Develop some self-control (1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Timothy 1:7).  Transform the pattern of your mind (Romans 12:2).  Imagine your self-esteem as a magnificent brick house.  Would you allow someone to tear your home down brick by brick?  That is what we do to ourselves, click by click.

“Nothing good, pure, true, or lovely comes from comparison.”

Nothing good, pure, true, or lovely comes from comparison.  The comparison habit may be hard to break, but in the long run, it is unbearable to live with.  There's enough beauty and grace to go around for everyone.  So, take a deep breath, friends.  Stop your scrolling and let the "last time" be the last time.