Lost in Comparison
I tell myself that this is the last time.
The absolute last time. Fervidly, I close the app on my phone. The last thing I see before the screen goes dark is a pretty little face smiling up at me--the girl that I'm not.
How many times do we find ourselves comparing who we are with who we aren't? Old friends. New friends. People we've never met. Slender, glamorous women stare vacantly at me from magazine covers as I wait in line at the grocery store, their figures causing a twinge of regret in my soul for putting ice cream on the conveyor belt. Most times, we don't even mean to compare... our brains are just wired that way.
"She's thinner, but I'm prettier." "She's taller, but I'm curvier." "She's... but I'm..."
The list is extensive.
Thoughts like these can consume you, defeat you, or even bolster your pride when you come out "on top." Still, even when we "win," we lose. The comparison game goes on and on until we're no longer satisfied with what's in the mirror. We stand a little taller, tuck our gut in, tilt our hips, and hide one leg behind the other. As a woman who leads, maybe you also feel the need to create this illusion of unaffected perfection, when inside, you're shriveling up beneath the glaring deficits you're sure that the whole world sees. And thanks to the internet, the entire world can see!
Technology and social applications continue to be a blessed, double-edged sword. What was created to connect us has now developed the power to divide us. What is for socialization has created competition. There is this unspoken expectation that we need to keep up with or surpass every other woman on our newsfeed. It's no wonder we're over-caffeinated and still mentally exhausted!
The most prominent social media lie is that we are as perfect as our feed says we are.
The perfection feeling is not a direct attack on social media. It is a public confession to a "secret" that I'm pretty sure, is pretty standard. Why do we inflict such unnecessary, un-beneficial, illogical emotional harm upon ourselves? More importantly, what can we do to stop the habit?
Know who you are. They say that charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but that sure doesn't keep me from wanting to be beautifully charming. When we feel assured that we are loved as we are, we feel safer to be who God designed us to be. Well, friend, you were designed with a purpose (Romans 8:28, 1 Peter 1:2). Every freckle, every hair, every dimple… even if that dimple is on your thigh and not your cheek.
It's time to appreciate beauty of every sort, even if it's not your own. Recently, when I feel jealous, I find myself praying for the girls. Women of God, let us lean into the challenge of championing one another instead of drawing back to protect our own "shine." Become thankful for a world full of beauty amongst the bleak. If you're genuinely grateful, it's hard to be jealous.
Just don’t go there. When you're tempted to click and compare… don't! Get ahold of yourself, girlfriend. Develop some self-control (1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Timothy 1:7). Transform the pattern of your mind (Romans 12:2). Imagine your self-esteem as a magnificent brick house. Would you allow someone to tear your home down brick by brick? That is what we do to ourselves, click by click.
“Nothing good, pure, true, or lovely comes from comparison.”
Nothing good, pure, true, or lovely comes from comparison. The comparison habit may be hard to break, but in the long run, it is unbearable to live with. There's enough beauty and grace to go around for everyone. So, take a deep breath, friends. Stop your scrolling and let the "last time" be the last time.